Why is it an option if things get heated in a meeting?

Most people in a meeting are afraid of letting tempers flare.
Tense faces, raised voices, long-held grievances – many people would quickly retreat.

But in fact, this is when something really important happens.
When the surface can no longer hold back the real problems, when emotions are on the surface, the deeper dynamics and dysfunctions that have been silently poisoning relationships, decisions and teamwork finally become visible.

The surfacing of emotions is not a failure.
It is an opportunity – to clarify, to understand and to grow.

If we know how to handle it well – or if we dare to ask for help when we need it.

What happens when we become aware of this?

When the participants realise that there is no “fight”, but rather an exploration of the situation, the atmosphere changes.
The window of opportunity opens: grievances, games, unspoken expectations can finally be given words, meaning and resolution can begin.

However, if the situation is beyond the team’s capacity to handle, it is a mature decision to seek the help of a coach.

How to deal with these situations?

(As a leader, coach or facilitator)

When a situation gets heated, it is crucial that whoever is in charge of the process – manager or coach – takes a conscious, mature stance.

Some principles:

• Stay present, don’t stifle the process.
  Emotions show where the real stuckness is.
  If we can’t handle it well, it’s worth bringing in an external facilitator.
• Keep it in bounds.
  Emotions can come, hurt can’t.
• Don’t look at people, look at patterns.
  What does it say? What are the recurring mistakes?
• Raise the perspective.
  Let’s look beyond the dynamics, not just the drama of the moment.
• Dare to thematise if you have to.
  If a deeper topic comes up, give it a special space. Don’t sweep it under the carpet.
• Seek understanding as a mediator.
  Let’s listen to the views of all stakeholders – that’s where the real solution comes from.

And if any of these steps are beyond us:
you can learn the skills you need through a course or coaching.

What is the manager’s responsibility?

The job of a leader is not to silence emotions, but to manage them consciously.

• Providing a safe space for expression.
• Keeping a framework when the tension crosses a line.
• To promote a systemic understanding of the situation.
• And to find a solution together.

If we do not act, the situation worsens, trust is damaged and disillusionment grows.

If a manager cannot handle these situations properly, the greatest gift he can give his team is the support of a coach.

What can we learn from these situations?

Most teams don’t fall apart where they argue, but where unspoken tensions are toxic.

The surfacing of emotions is always an opportunity
to clarify relationships, to improve functioning, to develop.

But only if we don’t get caught up in the drama, but are able to look at the system from a higher perspective.

Recognition alone is not enough.
Change requires action – and, if necessary, external support.

ZSEBGUIDE: Handling hot situations

7 things to remember:

1. Stay present.
2. Stick to the framework.
3. Look for the pattern, not the error.
4. Raise the perspective.
5. Thematise if you must.
6. Seek to understand.
7. If you get stuck: ask your coach for help or continue to learn consciously.

Attila Jezsó

Have a question? Contact us and together we will put together a tailor-made development package. We can even support you on the spot with consultants and coaches to make the change a success!

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